The full moon smiles tonight and I am much wiser

I had an illuminating conversation with my good friend, Ruthie Dean who (like me) has changed her name and identity, to the authentic Maia Carroll and I am Raven – obviously.  She is one of the good friends from SGI in DC who I miss so much – she made me promise to visit the DC kaikan on Embassy Row (the one we almost saw that day in DC) and reminded me that it was my pioneering efforts as well that built that kaikan. How I cried at saying good bye again yesterday….for me, there is nothing like the DC members who are still my best friends in faith.

Anyhow, Maia shared her experience with her boy friend – and how they were beginning to slip into a somewhat co-dependent relationship, one where he kept vowing to do his art and then being so comfortable with her that he never quite got around to it. And Maia, being the strong and independent woman that she is, made a determination that she was not going to rest and be comfortable with a partner who didn’t show courage and integrity, who couldn’t be strong enough to keep his vow, to honor his determination.  

So, in the middle of the night, she removed her door key from his key ring. Needless to say, it was a wake up call for him when he couldn’t get into her house and had to call her. And they took the opportunity to clearly communicate about the issues involved and she did not give him back the key – which might have been the easy thing to do – because she really does enjoy his company.

And the great news is that he is finally doing his art, moving in the direction of his greatest dreams, keeping his vow to her and to himself. And their relationship has deepened.

Thus, when Henry asked me last night if I was going to London, I knew my answer. On many levels, it is no….no because your wife is taking care of you…..no because your family has not asked me to….and no because you need to heal, not only your body but your heart, your integrity, and your determination. I will love you forever…together or apart we are still one soul. And I will not settle for less than I deserve….a courageous man of integrity who loves me.

Adding much polish and revealing glorious life

Exactly how much time is there for writing when a vast space has opened up in your life, your dreams have been radically altered…..and that trip to “boy scout camp” is actually an extended stay in a London hospital struggling to survive against all odds?

Nam Myoho Renge Kyo, nam myoho renge kyo, nam myoho renge kyo…life is amazingly lovely, each moment precious as I fill the hours of my day with the sounds of chanting. Hour after hour flies by, moments of deep grief grab hold of my heart, throw me to the ground sobbing….once again, nam myoho renge kyo and a cold wash cloth save the day. Just to breathe deeply, to appreciate this opportunity to create change.

My new friend, Stephanie, watches closely each day. She is happily observant, amazed at the deep capacity for optimism she witnesses. As Berto lies far away, her father Henry is right here with us  in his own healing process.  We chant together and Stephanie attends our SGI district meeting as we “Win Together — Win Right Now” and she begins her own chanting practice.  It is my greatest joy to see her life transforming with daimoku.

And, at just the right moment, I am honoured to receive a message from President Ikeda (via one of my good SGI friends)

“Buddhism teaches that the lotus flower grows in muddy water. What this
means is that our supremely noble lives continue to shine even amid the
harshest of life’s realities, just like the pure white lotus flower that blooms unsoiled by the mud.

Having gone through what you have, there is pain and suffering in others hearts that only you can notice. Having suffered what you have, there is true love and affection that only you can find. There are definitely people out there who need you.

If you give up on yourself, it is only you who will lose. Nothing, no matter
what happens, can change your inherent worth. Please have courage.
Please tell yourself that you are not going to let this ordeal defeat
you.

Those who have suffered the most, those who have experienced the
greatest sadness, have a right to become the happiest of all. What
would the purpose of our Buddhist practice be, if the most miserable
could not become happy?

The tears you shed cleanse your life and make it shine. To live with this conviction and keep moving ever forward is the spirit of Buddhism. It is also the essence of life. You may not want to tell someone else about your pain and anguish, but I strongly recommend that you consult with someone, even just one person whom you can trust and rely on. You should not suffer all by yourself.”

I feel victory, that I continue to move forward, day by day encouraging someone with my life, with victory. After all, I am truly the someone who knows your heart and understands “your” pain. I will be there for you too,

Much love, Raven

“Hear and trust the truth which comes from spirit.”

Ok, let’s be real. I have summoned up every protective ancestors, all the Buddhist gods, every being that tunes into my station…..still no sign of my friend. How exactly do family members sustain themselves when their loved ones are sent to a “forward operating base” which sounds fairly innocuous until you add its name “Warhorse.” This is not boy scout camp, this is not fun and games – this is war. The Americans (Thank you BushCheney) have declared war on a sovereign nation. We have caused over 95,000 Iraqi civilians to lose their lives; our courageous American children, over 4,500 of them will not be coming to kiss their moms, hug their children again. This is real and this is wrong….wrong, wrong, and wrong again. Thank goodness, there are brave and courageous souls willing to right the wrongs, to stand with their brothers and sisters and speak peace and prosperity.

“Hear and trust the truth which comes from spirit.” Sometimes the universe sends us a message. Put your hands together and just give thanks for each moment and pray….send those good thoughts across the universe.

Acknowledge those great big tears of rememberance…there is so much that you have shared and every little place reminds you of the one you love. And smile, thankfully, gratefully smile that you have been blessed with this opportunity. To reunite in love, across the vastness or time and space, to pull back the veil and hug.

Still, thinking about it, chanting for your safety, it is hard to imagine going forward. It is a challenge to consider that this separation is only for a moment….just a blip in time. Writing this, I am overcome by grief, by doubt, embraced in the fear that I may never kiss your lips again, may not see your smile; you have lightened my burden for years now, you have made me laugh, seen me smile….and where is that now?

This month Emmett has come to spirit, Gerald joined him last week. Henry is recovering….you are brothers in faith, with all the shoten zenjin encircling you, protecting you, guiding you safely to your mission. Each of us…just one more day, one more step towards enlightenment.

Emmett and Gerald – come back soon and man the barricades…..Henry and Berto, cheer them on from the sidelines of healing. We will all lift this universe towards peace and happiness.

“What if the mightiest word is love?”

My apologies….it has been a very long time since I last wrote. No excuse….I went to DC to check on the Inaugural preparations, see some of my favorite friends, and spend a little more time with Berto before he’s off to save the world. You know how time just slips away….how when we were children, time lasted forever and the anticipation was killer?

Anticipation is over, my friend has one more week of stateside training and then he’s off – a super man fulfilling his mission. We each have that mission….something only we can do. “Thank you for the opportunity to be an encouragement to all mankind and to heal.”  Now, that’s a mouthful of mission, my mission….to be positive, supportive, encouraging, and heal myself in the process.

I know that someone, somewhere had this perfectly idyllic childhood…actually Berto had something like that. Parents who were totally in love with each other, brothers and sisters who grew up “normal,” whatever that is. But I didn’t. And for many, many years it hurt…hurt like hell….all day every day.

Feeling unloved, getting your teeth kicked in day after day….not so much fun. Fortunately for me, giving thanks gives laughs, makes it all fun. My pea brain does not remember anything except the joy and laughter…..I survived…I am alive.

And now he is off, way across the universe….his plane over Jordan tonight, tomorrow in Bagdad. He is so happy…and I am challenged to be an encouragement, to imbue each of my acquaintances with the understanding of mission. It’s do or die….either you do your mission or the “not doing” kills you…one day at a time, as your soul is stripped away.

I had to summon up my dear grandfather, Burton….a man who knew war, who understood injustice,  who stood up for liberty, for freedom…and came home safely to let me know his love, his laughter. I trust that Burton will remain at Berto’s side, bringing him safely home to me….soon.

As Elizabeth Alexander said, “What if the mightiest word is love?” And it truly is.

 

Happy New Year – 2010 on the horizon

First of all…not meaning to boast….but I’ve had another piece published – a cause for victory in 2009. Being an artist, as writers believe they are, we want some validation that this play with words, just as sculptors play with clay, has some impact. I want to leave this world a much better place and have some smiles all round. Today is New Year’s Day.  I’m on that emotional high that comes from being surrounded by 500 or so of your best friends in faith…all those hugs and kisses that are evidence of a common mission. Nam Myoho Renge Kyo really brightens your life….scrub scrub all the dirt away….

“My every thought, word, and deed is a reflection of your clarity and love.”  I’m trying to make causes which are beneficial…send new year’s wishes to my new colleagues….assist a student with a donated laptop so they can stay in school….reconnect in laughter with old friends and discover that my old friends are already friends with each other – Is this a very small world or what?

I went through a couple of years, as I was writing this book (we’ve made our way up to page 6 now – only a few more to go and then we recycle the positive affirmations as needed – stir until boiling and spice with daimoku), when I realized that my children were pretty grumbly and negative.

As I slowly held up the mirror of my life, I saw quite clearly that I was setting the negativity pace. And I was ashamed…reluctant to admit that Mom was pretty yucchy. So, my buzz phrase became “nice matters.” Nice in thought and word and deed. If you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all.

At first, there were some fairly significant protests. After all, I had taught my children well and they, literally, had nothing nice to say – about each other, about themselves, about anything. It looked as if life was going to be pretty quiet – nothing to say, or nothing they were permitted to say.

However, within a few days, as each of us began to find something good to say (because we really do enjoy talking), the chatter returned. It was funny, and kind of embarrassing, as each of us stopped the other from saying things that were “not nice.” Even when they seemed to be true. Doesn’t matter – you can always take the small extra step and uncover the hidden beauty in each person and every action. It just takes a moment’s thought and then it becomes second nature.

Years passed and nice became the new normal. OK, we’re not perfect saints…we each had our moments of ugliness. But that awareness that each of us is the Buddha and our lives are the Buddha’s life became the backdrop of our lives.

So, when things happen, it takes just a breath to find the goodness in the moment, the expression or reflection of clarity and love. And the next heart beat aligns thought, word, and deed to that essence.

Tonight, my daughter called from Portland and requested a video call with her sons to celebrate the New Year. Talk about laughter, I in my night gown, sitting at the laptop, laughing with the boys thousands of miles away as if we were in the same room. Berto has Skype too…..we’ll be in the same room…laptop to laptop – heart to heart – as each of us fulfills our mission for peace and prosperity. Happy New Year!!

or I could spend the day in bed….

 

It is almost the new year…I can feel the final day drawing to a close, my breath tightening. Roberto will leave for training with the US State Department on Saturday…..a new year, a new job, some new ways of living.

“Open my heart to spirit. One as a brave man-woman, knowing love; laughing, listening, vibrant. One with your teacher, healing, spirit guiding.”

And now…we’re back to the book, which is guiding me to chant until I can appreciate the benefit. This basically falls under the “be careful what you chant for…” guideline. Actually, it’s not a guideline, more of a cautionary note. Often we chant for exactly what we think we want/need/have to have for our happiness.

Now, if we really knew what we needed, we’d have the wisdom to go for it and it would appear. When what we want doesn’t immediately appear, we chant to elevate our life condition and make it happen. Except that, as mere mortals, we are often deluded about what is exactly what we need. The boyfriend turns out to be a time waster. The lottery winnings have vanished in a year. What we really need is fortune and the ability to stay open – open to the prospects that the universe has to offer. And “be careful….” refers to the fact that our benefit, once we’ve sincerely chanted about it, turns out to be way more than we ever expected….our pinhead mind being the limiting factor while the universe is boundless.

For two years, I have chanted for him to find the job of his dreams, to encounter that dream which has been deferred.

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up 
like a raisin in the sun? 
Or fester like a sore– 
And then run? 
Does it stink like rotten meat? 
Or crust and sugar over– 
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags 
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

Just as Langston Hughes wrote in his poem, Roberto’s dream had at times dried up, festered, and weighed him down with darkness. His anger and bitterness threatened to explode and destroy everything in its path. He had, at other times, given it up…worn it as an albatross to all that he did. 

I could relate….after “completing” my dreams – to raise my children, to buy the Volvo – I had no more dreams. I had buried them deep inside….I could only chant to move in the direction of my greatest dreams and love them as they re-surfaced. So chant I did. I introduced Berto to the Gohonzon, to the potential within himself to make all his dreams come true, to create his own reality.

For two years, going on three years now, I have chanted for him to realize his dream. Many years ago, he studied and received two advanced degrees that conferred the status of finance and governance expert in developing nations. And yet, circumstances barred the door to his dream. Year after year, he stuffed that dream into a back pocket, taking it out only to angrily despair of it. And this just wasn’t good enough for me. So I chanted, he chanted – for a while – and I continued to chant and encourage him to keep moving towards that dream….to talk about it, to embrace it, to act as if it were already his.

Six months ago, Roberto got a call from a recruiter. He briefly mentioned a job prospect, he even named a possible country…it sounded like a joke and we laughed and moved on. In my mind, developing nation meant some balmy, sunny island with laughing children, blue waters, nice beaches. I even built the dream in Second Life….

And then it happened. Three weeks ago, he got confirmation that he had been selected to assist a developing nation with its banking system – right up his alley…a member of the Provincial Reconstruction Team – sounds important, I know. He has been happier than ever….after all, he’s gotten his dream job. Within 24 hours, I too had been offered my dream job, a promotion I had sought to serve as Manager of our Florida Virtual School Foundation – helping students with access to a world-class, technology enhanced education.

So, why all the drama? Berto’s dream job takes him to Iraq, to Diyala Province which is still fairly turbulent. The prayer for world peace now becomes a reality, not just a distant dream. The prayers for protection….a vital necessity. And it’s back to the book, back to the principles which guide my thoughts, words, and deeds.

 I am trying to keep my heart open – essentially to keep making efforts for the happiness of others and sending out peace and joy as I make my way in the world. Tomorrow is New Year’s Gongyo with the SGI, another chance to chant with my mentor. Or I could spend the day in bed. Sometimes, I have to make a deliberate choice…to be the brave one…to get out of bed and pick up a young mother and her children – they need a ride to the meeting and I need to elevate my own life condition out of sadness and longing.

When I take the long view, 11 months apart seems like forever. When I let spirit guide me, it’s the small steps that are restorative…one day at a time….we’ll be apart for only 1 week, then only 2 months. If we’re truly together in lifetime after lifetime, then this is only a momentary blip on the cosmic radar. Yes, stop wallowing and worrying – start laughing, listening for the joy that surrounds you, and vibrantly radiate that high daimoku life condition.

It’s all so easy when I listen to my mentor, feel the compassion he has for me, the encouragement he provides each week. Just to stay in appreciation – that is the challenge. 

 

Hearts…as in open and safe

And yesterday’s post kind of leads into today’s….”Your (our) family is safe and well sheltered. Your children are healthy, with hearts open.”  I used to have major freak-out moments, high anxiety whenever my children weren’t nearby. If I couldn’t touch them, I was scared for their safety…too many bad experiences and my childhood had played like a Hitchcock movie. So, I’m still scared of the dark….deep confessions….sleep with a nightlight….hear all the things that go bump in the night.

There are moments when I chant just about safety…to keep all those monsters at bay. But, I understood early on, after Stephane’s death, that my children, “our” children of the universe –  who according to Kahlil Gibran, “Your children are not your children…They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you”  - my children or your children are always protected.

So, if they’re not just my children, then I’m thinking that this positive, nurturing, protective universe we inhabit, is taking care of them. Thus, they are always safe and well sheltered – sometimes in this mother’s heart and arms; otherwise in the arms of Gaia…proceeding from that nugget of wisdom….I, too, am just a child of the universe, safe and well sheltered. And the universe of my choosing is light and monster-free. Stop watching the damn nightly news….

And we’re all moving in the direction of our greatest dreams, with our hearts open to the possibilities of living in the dream. Healthy, happy, positive, productive….all those good things….staying open – even to those things that, at first blush, I don’t like…green eggs and ham…..Iraq….wearing corporate attire on the virtual job….you know, the perceived pain in the ass of life.

Chanting daimoku lets me take the fear our of the box, turn it over and over, examine it from every angle…..see the actual blast walls surrounding the government complex where Gregg will be living….hear the joy in his voice that he’s going to the job of his dreams and he thinks it’s like boy scout camp – and it probably will be just as he imagines and as the reality that my daimoku creates. Nam Myoho Renge Kyo Nam Myoho Renge Kyo  Nam Myoho Renge Kyo. My family is safe and well sheltered; we are open-hearted and in love; life is good. See you on the flip side….

Keeping my life polished….

Well, it’s been a while, actually quite a while since I last wrote….and much has happened. But, I’ll weave it into the book. Remember the book – everyone’s Buddha? Well, we’ve made such magnificent progress that we are now up to page 3…imagine that…almost a third of the way to victory.

This year’s personal determination was to become “healthy, wealthy, and wise.” I’ll be working on a couple of those next year too! Page 3 says “Thank you for our health; remaining true to myself, I stand tall. Polish your life and reveal its glory.”

It’s a really big page, a tall order, so to speak. But appreciation is everything and I have given thanks for my health this year. Even as my lower back has started doing its thing – you know, the thing when it just aches and doesn’t seem to want to let you walk, right?  Yeh, that old age thing.

But I know have a fantastic acupuncturist and have a progressive Nuccan chiropractor. The acupuncturist does needles, and magnets, and burns piles of herbs on me, and all sorts of things designed to make me feel healthy. So far, it is making me feel better, but it’s not helping with the wealthy part. And the chiropractor does these minute adjustments (no spine crackin’ here) and tries to persuade my spine to get back into the right places, which according to my X-rays, it isn’t – not yet at least.

And I have remained true to myself, through all sorts of temptations and pressures, and I am still standing tall and proud….the way I was meant to be….the way we all are. Feet are to walk on, with head held high.

Now the last sentence….I have polished and dusted, and daimoku-ed until this life is looking pretty darn shiny. Two years of daimoku for Robeto’s perfect job has finally delivered just that – his perfect, dream, all he ever wanted to do job. His specialty is as a governance and finance expert for developing countries. Somehow, he’s been stuck in American cities doing finance and accounting – close, but no cigar, as they say. But he did get to meet me, right? Some benefit there.

So more daimoku, and yet more daimoku and…..six months ago, he jokingly mentioned a job in Iraq….it was a joke, right?  Keep the daimoku going and forget about that little joke…..I’m thinking developing nations like Belize, Virgin Islands, maybe even Costa Rica, something close and tropical. But the universe is thinking that here is a fellow with great people skills, a good sense of humour, and the ability to assemble a banking system for a developing nation and Iraq is on the top of the list. January 5, Berto reports for training at the US State Department. Shortly thereafter, he’s off to Diyala Province in Iraq for an 11 month assignment.

Now, there’s a reason to chant all this daimoku…..mostly when the shit hits the fan, you have this bank full of positive life condition and you are able, after a deep breath, to really understand that this is the perfect job for him. His life has been polished with two years of daimoku and it is revealing its glory. And, by the way…all that daimoku is also revealing your own glory and you have a fantastic new job too – and still working from home.

And that’s part of the reason I haven’t written. I had to take a very, very deep breath and upon re-surfacing know that he’s gonna be just fine, even in a war zone. And now my prayers for peace become very real and personal. So I will continue to polish my life and now that Roberto is part of my life, his too. One nice benefit is some trips to foreign places in the next year to help him get some R&R every sixty days. London, here we come….

Good Morning Baltimore

So, back to the book…and back to the last page. All that “respect each being in relationship – one of you is the messiah” stuff. Well, back in Baltimore I’m reminded just how this “stuff” works. Now, mind you I seem to be somewhat prone to anxiety and last year, my driving anxiety really kicked into high gear. The technical term is gephyrophobia, which means a fear of bridges and which, thanks to the New York Times, I discover is a real fear. Well, let’s say it’s a fear that many people share. I thought it was just fear of heights that bothered me, just ordinary acrophobia. I’m sure I died one of a thousand deaths in a previous life – probably dropped out of a window or something.

So, back to Baltimore, which is exactly what I did for Thanksgiving, I went home. Now, I know my city fairly well, but I’ve never had to view it through the lens of “bridge fear.”  And bridge fear is really a fear of the unknown and subject to other qualifications – how long is the bridge, how high, can you see over the side, etc. This bridge fear became manifest as I drove my son to law school, having rented a van which seated me higher than usual, and required a journey over a couple of very high bridges. Usually daimoku works; I can chant really strong, passionate daimoku and make it over the bridge.

But this time, I was chanting and, just as I reached the bridge, on a dark and rainy night, and was in the outer lane closest to the long drop to the water, a big truck blew its horn, startling me, and “that’s all she wrote.”  Since then, I have this intense “I-do-not-like-them” feeling about bridges. So I chant about this and try to avoid them, even going the long way around.

And so, what does this have to do with honoring the Buddha within each of us? Well, driving around Baltimore, wholeheartedly daimoku-ing, I noticed that the lanes which used to be “normal” size seemed “downsized.” And my little, compact car seemed gigantic. I began to understand in day 3 that the road was the same size it’s always been and I really did have a small car, but my anxiety (compounded by the fact that I didn’t buy the extra insurance from the car rental place because I wasn’t going to have an accident – lol) was shifting my perception.

So, more daimoku just to relax because my family and friends live all over the city and I have to drive over small roads and some bridges if I want to see them.  But, in Baltimore, my daimoku gets profound sometimes. Maybe I really do have a karmic connection to the city of my birth. Whatever. But when I drive in Baltimore, and my thoughts go towards something negative, there’s always a potential traffic accident to wake or shake me up.

Nam myoho renge kyo to the max as my thoughts wander to something not so respectful. And just a minor lane change on the highway, with my turn signal on, and a quick second glance in that empty lane next to me and “holy crap” there’s a fast moving car where my empty space was. Now ordinarily I’ll curse and swear at said fast-moving driver, who is usually going hundreds of miles over the speed limit and presumes that he’s driving the race version of his Honda.

But something has changed…for years I’ve been considering that each of us really does have a Buddha potential.  Well, more than considering…really allowing that to become part of my life.  So, when this sporty little driver hopped into my lane, I allowed him to be the Buddha part of our relationship. Not even the thought of cursing entered my mind. My only awareness was that I have the “no-bad-thoughts-while driving-in-Baltimore” karma. And I needed to continue chanting and change my perception to one of deepest gratitude. And with that, the lanes were wider again and my huge car was smaller and I could relax and just drive.

So, thanks Baltimore for the presence of this spirit in my life. Because of you, I can be deeply appreciative that a horrendous accident (like, how many cars would you crash into on a crowded 4 lane interstate going 60mph?) was avoided at the very last second. And I could change my thoughts to ones of protection – that every driver on the road would have a safe driving experience and get home safely. As I did…with no accidents. Now about those bridges…….

Hey Crystal, this one’s for you

I met a new friend this evening….generally I don’t go out after working all day….I know, it sounds like I’m doing hard, manual labor or something that really wears me out. Nope, it’s taking care of problems, fielding calls, providing, as they say, some of the best servant leadership around, lots of communication up, down, and across. But today was different – much more social. I actually got out of the house today, two times and that’s rare for me (working from home is all about stepping away from the computer once in a while). And I met a new friend and an old friend.

So, about that old friend. My mother introduced us, turns out Tom and I are cousins. Well, in the loosest sense of the word, we are. Many years ago, my grandparents, who were totally into genealogy and networks of “cause” focused relationships (that’s a nice way of describing the Sons and Daughters of the American Revoution, right?), took me to a family reunion in Virginia. The Epps Family to be precise.

And into this room, I wandered, sticking close to Pearl and Burton. And I found my family, loosely defined. They were, to my eight year old self, both short and tall, fat and thin, brown and white, old and young, and so on. Every possible description – and my eight year old eyes were opened wide to the broader concept of family. Call it the family of man. And I learned that everyone in America with the Epps or Graves surname was my family, in the loosest sense of things.

So Tom Graves and I are cousins. And as much as my mother tried to “introduce” us, somehow the fact that we were cousins and that he was gay, well somehow we just became friends. Which is sometimes even better than what mother intended. And we’ve stayed friends, not close but friends nevertheless, and tonight Tom called me out of the blue and tempted me from the castle.

And I met a new friend, Crystal, this evening. Over wine, because Tom’s temptation was a wine tasting with free massages (is there anything better than that?), Crystal and I did what new friends do; we compared life stories, punctuated by an occasional prompt from her husband, Louis (my significant other still being at his particular brand of sweat-shop). So Crystal is a writer and she, too, is from Maryland and she’s a grammy – just like me – and she’s kind of a hippie chick and I could go on. But then you’d know everything I know about this new friend and there’d be nothing left to say.

And, just when you thought I had forgotten about the “book” – LOL. Page 2 of “Everyone’s Messiah – What Will You Do?” is another thing to ponder. Remember page 1’s admonition to “Appreciate your life?”  Well, tonight it’s all about appreciation. “Thank you for the presence of spirit-soul-partner in my life.” And Crystal and Louis and Tom, all those friends are quite simply the physical manifestation of spirit. In that we’re all spiritual beings wearing our human costumes at this moment.

More of page 2. “Respect each being in relationship – one of you is the messiah.” Well, the way I see things either it’s just one of you and you can pick who is it that’s the embodiment of Messiah/Buddha or maybe it’s the unity formed by the relationship that’s the oneness of you and is truly enlightened – and that’s tonight’s universal wisdom. In any case, that’s page 2 of the “book.”

And page 2 allowed me to appreciate those moments when there still wasn’t a boyfriend in my life. But there is, and there has been, and could I say, there everymore will be – he’s a keeper, my Roberto. But back to that Messiah thing….as I started to see that it could be you, and maybe it’s me, well, that kind of situation called for a little respect.

Everyone we meet has something to teach us, they are here for a reason. Maybe they’re the mirror of my life, showing me when I’ m angry and acting like a jerk. Maybe they’re going to make me laugh and sweep the cobwebs from my mind. Or maybe they’re just here….and I’m not alone anymore. Some days, the only thing I could count on was my own soul. So thanks for the presence of, the awareness of my soul…something to sustain me when times were tough.

And, about that one friend…well, there’s one more thing. She wants to learn something that is easy for me to share….no, I’m not a teacher, not really….but I have this magic thing I can do….I can take tough concepts and contraptions and make it easy for you to understand just what the hell to do with them. Now blogging’s not hard, especially for writers like Crystal and me….but I can do it and she can’t – yet. But this new friend, she’ll know one more thing that she can do well when I’m done…..and I say thanks again, my friend.